EXTRA EXTRA. THIS IS A BLOGMERGENCY

The Band could be going to Vegas. BUT WE NEED YOU TO MAKE IT HAPPEN. I'll let Mr. Embedded video take care of it all.

1-(888) 717-9725
THAT IS THE NUMBER. CALL BETWEEN TUESDAY JANUARY 27TH AT 7 PM PT AND WEDNESDAY 28TH AT 12 PM PT. CALL AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE. APPRECIATE OUT SARAH PALIN JOKES BACK WHEN THEY WERE STILL RELEVANT. SHOW THOSE WEENIES FROM KAL AND DAVIS WHY THEY'RE SAFETY BANDS. YES WE CAN.

A few quick bullet points, IN BULLET TIME

*cue Vivaldi's Spring*

Why hello there folks, and welcome to Masterblog Theater. I'm Shotgun, and today we'll delving into a few delightful short stories in our ongoing series on the Band.

• FIRST, as our manager's birthday present to himself, and through the good graces of SBAB, we are proud to announce that the Shak now has an A/V system. What what what?? That's right folks. Now we can blast Thunderstruck through the entire reinforced concrete structure. Oh 'tis truly a glorious day. What's more, our rehearsal hall now has a projector and giant screen. We are still debating which piece of cinema deserves to christen our precious system. Personally, I've been lobbying for The Emperor's New Groove 3: The Groove's Return to Stella. That or Office Sluts 9.65, a true classic.
• B. The tree was featured in a compromising photo on the sports blog most blamed for the nation's decline, Deadspin. (Article found here) Being the ever faithful PR that I am (what's that, boy? Someone's blaming us for 1982 again? And Billy's stuck in the well? Well, let's go!) I sent a letter to the editor providing some context, as well as gratuitous Simpsons references, and it turns out the old chap is a local and even frequents the Oasis. A good fellow I should say. I like the cut of his jib. He ran the letter on Deadspin (right m'yah), and we may be doing further correspondence.
• Gamma. Both basketball teams won yesterday (Huzzah!) keeping the men's' tournament dreams alive and further discrediting the notion of parity for the women. The men take on Oregon State at home tomorrow, though this PR won't be there, for I t'will be on dorm ski trip to Tahoe, which makes me doubly sad because I had a whole host of Obama-related heckles I was planning to level at the coach. Ah well, I'm sure 6th Man will pick up the slack.

And with those quick li'l blog nuggets I bid you adieu as the Band goes to play at our squash team's first EVER home match. The acoustics should be incredible. Bandquet is imminent, approaching on the horizon, and surely looking like the apocalypse to Beefeaters, the eating club that is lending its space to us. We only hope that this time around there won't be any bollard-related casualties.

Until then,
Courage

The embedded YouTube action JUST DOESN'T STOP

And as day goes into night and on the eve of this historic moment in American history, it's Comrade Shotgun here with a Weekend Update, though unlike the Jimmy Fallon days, ours actually has jokes. For example, why did the robot cross the road? Because it was carbon-bonded to the chicken (Yes, I did just reference the movie version of Lost In Space, which incidentally, almost caused my house to burn down, but that's a story for another day). Back to matters at hand, in the natural perfect scheduling of basketball season for the Pac-10 (take that SEC!) this weekend featured both men's and women's games vs. and at Kal, respectively. (By the way, respectively may just be my favorite adverb.) The men's game was a real thriller that featured a freakishly large band. The women's game reminded me of Flinstones Chewables in that it was a bitter pill to swallow.

HOW-EVA, STEPHEN A. SMITH IS HERE TO SAY THAT THE BAND ALWAYS WINS. Indeed both of these games feature the only quasi-illustrious Kal Band, which though bigger at Stanford than at their home, still managed to be half the size our band on both occasions. And while we surely enjoyed their version of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" imagined as a pre-Renaissance dirge, our band definitively prevailed for the weekend because the Kal Band skipped out on our usual post game skirmish. We thought this was a punk move. If you're going to chicken out on a fight, at least come up with a legitimate reason for it, like Eric Cartman did.


Nevertheless, we entertained some Kal fans on the way out of Haas Pavilion, and some forward-thinking individual (this is California after all) took some cell phone video of it and posted it on the YouTube, so here it is for your viewing pleasure, especially some bitter old man commenting during the beginning. Probably just mad because he forgot to take his Metamucil before going to the game.


Today, we celebrated MLK day (which, by the way is A-OK) by rallying all the interested ProDos (that's Prospective Dollies, for those not compelled to speak in abbrevs.) marking the official countdown to Dollie Day, oh what a day. More on that in due time. Though right now, we'll just content ourselves with the anticipation towards BANDQUET and the awards for Best and Most Improved Sexion. The odds favor CS106A, but Math 51 is making a strong push. Personally, my money's on Econ1A as a sleeper pick.

Until then, remember kids, don't talk to strangers, as long as you're fine with marrying your cousin.

Lightning round blog action!

Hi there. Face here! Just kidding it's your old cohort Shotgun with some exciting blogtastic news. Now I must be brief because my dorm is about to deep fry a turkey to commemorate the 1.75 month anniversary of Thanksgiving (true story), but I just wanted to let y'all faithful readers know that the Band, or more specifically the courageous warriors of the bovine-inspired atonal metal 3-d representation of the average distribution of height were featured on the 6 o' clock news and we, always forthcoming in our quest to bring funk to the funkless masses, present you with glorious glorious embedded video of the profile on these media sluts (that's just what we call them behind their backs. Secretly it's all of our dreams to be interviewed by KPIX)



So keep an eye of these brave souls, especially tomorrow when Mike "Benedict Vader" Montgomery comes back to the Farm for a good ol' fashioned butt-whoopin' (fingers crossed). And tune in next week when we dish the goods about how the Band celebrated Martin Luther King Day (hint: it's better than whatever the Arizona band did)

P.S. It was just revealed to us that those scoundrels over at Tennessee won Best Pep Band in the Women's Basketball Coaches Association superlatives for 2009 despite clearly not measuring up and also not having a hot dog in their band. They must have been beaten into submission by hearing Rocky Top 10,000 times in one day.

Why Hullo Thar!

It's your friendly neighborhood Spider-blogger, Shotgun here. Well it's 2009, and we're here to keep our promise of MORE BLOG ACTION with a quick ACTIONY recap of the band's winter break, or at least my winter break. For most of the band, winter break consisted of an unholy combination of Stanford basketball victories and "Cooking by the book A Lil' Bigger Mix" (what will the YouTube think of next?). For your faithful PR though, winter break largely consisted of Tivoed Christmas specials and addressing envolopes. You see, young paduwan, the Band cannot deliver the funk all by itself, it sometimes needs help along the way. And so, to show our appreciation over the Saturnalia season, the Band sends various Christmahanukwanzaakuh cards to people that have accommodated us, inspired us, tolerated us, or at the very least allowed us to exist. They looked-a something like-a this.























A selection of this year's recipients include Tara VanDerVeer, Johnny Dawkins, Random Student with PO Box 12346 (if you're reading this, we guarantee there's no anthrax), various members of the Athletic Department, other scatter bands on the front line in the righteous crusade for rock and roll, a disproportionate amount of Dollie families living in Atherton, the Liberty Bowl Commission (I was surprised that one was still on the list too), Diane Feinstein, the Colbert Report, and Orenthal James Simpson at Lovelock Correctional Center. A select few people, such as the Spirit of Troy and Art Bartner, got extra special attention. I personally signed them myself with a pen that just so happened to look alot like a bottle of Elmer's Glue, and my signature ended up covering the entire page. Oops. I think they'll get the message though.

Indeed, I hope everyone gets their forthcoming XmasHK card, though assuredly in about a month me and Staph Tool Diego will have the exquisite pleasure of collecting all the "return to sender" cards and taking those unfortunate souls off the list, if we can't find their current address. But I digress. It's time to get back into the groove of Winter Band, with a bevy of basketball games, and three of the most wonderful times of the year, with the kids jingle-belling and everyone telling we'll be of good cheer (those Xmas carols really stick in your head). I speak of course of Bandquet, Ski Trip, and Dollie Day. More on those later, maybe even a little live blogging? Only time can tell.

In the mean time, I leave you with our Big Game field shows. Ignore the mass-carded distraction going on in the stands during halftime, though frankly I'm appalled that all those dirty hippies are such staunch proponents of slash-and-burn forest clearing. It's really a sad situation.



Until then, smoke 'em if you got 'em.
(I of course am referring to clowns on the basketball court, and certainly not drugs)