Playing Catch-Up

Hello Dear Friends.

We got word that violence has been breaking out around the nation because we never got around to telling you folks how Dollie Day '08 turned out. We apologize for sucking. It "won't" happen again.

Some people who don't suck nearly as much as your LSJUMB bloggers are the DOLLIES 2008-2009. Woooooo! They are (numbered according to ascending height order, natch):

Dollie #1: Jennifer Lee
Dollie #2: Ali Romer
Dollie #3: Taylor Phillips
Dollie #4: Sydney Gulbronson
Dollie #5: Taylor Thibodeaux

New Dollies are awesome, but they officially begin their term in May, so we'll talk more about them later.

Now we invite you to wonder what could make the Tenrz yell obscenities at the Toobs, make a former drum major crawl on the ground and cry like a little girl, and get twenty people suddenly crammed in a bathroom.  Ha, no it isn't Bacardi 151 (at least not this time...).  We're talking about the Toobz-initiated Toobz 'n' Tenrz Dollie Day Hot Wing Challenge.  Everyone knows the Tenrz are a bunch of self-absorbed sissies, but they think they're pretty tough, so they stepped up to the plate when we bet we could eat more hot wings than they could.  What they didn't know was that "hot wings" was a comically severe understatement.  Toobz sexion leader M.R. spiced up his wings with Dave's Insanity Sauce.  The Toobz knew this, and ate the same wings to preserve the illusion of a friendly contest, but the Tenrz launched themselves a little too enthusiastically into the challenge, guaranteeing their doom.  Thirty seconds later, cries of "My face is burning!" and "Why, Toobz, why?" filled the air as scorched bandies spilled out of the Shak, looking for a hose.  Habanero-sauce hand prints covered the bathroom walls as twenty people crowded around the sinks. (When the powers that be said "No showers in Shak," they really didn't understand the significance of their decision.)  It was a great Dollie Day.

Also, Dollie Day '08 yielded a significant discovery.  The discovery was "Me And The Cap'ns," a delicious new breakfast beverage/cereal.  The recipe appears below.  (Eat out of a bowl, with a spoon, natch.  Also, you have to say "Me and the cap'ns make it happen! - and you have to mean it.)


Me And The Cap'ns was a big hit.  Two thumbs up.

Okay, time to bring this entry to a close, because Finals Week is upon us.  That means it's time to study real hard before we take our finals on the road as we jet off to play for some NCAA Tournament Basketball.  Woo! Go Card!

Good pub

Greetings, friends and foes. Winter quarter is winding down and we're busier than ever, with both the men's and women's basketball teams heading to the postseason. The IVs are flowing for exhausted bandies. But we've still had a pretty good week.

A few months ago, Pat Forde of ESPN.com wrote a college basketball "bucket list" that included performing as the Tree. So we thought, "Hey, cool!" and went back to playing Guitar Hero. And then we thought, "Hey, we should invite him!" So we did. Last Thursday, Forde came to and hung out with the Band, and was the Tree for the first half of the men's basketball game against Washington. He also conducted "White Punks on Dope" after the game. Forde is a great guy, and he seemed to have even more fun with us than we had hosting him, which is saying something. He wrote a glowing article about us that was on the front page of the men's basketball section of ESPN.com (see screenshot!) for all of Thursday, and was also the main story on the front page for most of the day, too.

Needless to say we're pretty excited about it. It's not every day someone writes really nice things about you on the front page of a big-time, national website. And it's nice to get the word out that we're not terrible, cannibalistic devil-worshipers...or most everyone besides the mellz, that is.

The Gathering Storm

Hello Humanfolk and clever Animalfolk!

I'm writing this entry solo, but your new favorite blogger Sweet Cheeks is with me in spirit. He may even edit this post or post something new later. Won't that be a treat?

We are sorry that we haven't written much lately; there just hasn't been that much to report, as our weeks lately have been basketball, basketball, basketball. If you haven't kept up with Card Hoops this season, or maybe you have never heard of basketball, we recommend http://gostanford.cstv.com/ Read up, fill that brain with knowledge.

We did participate in the San Jose Vietnamese Spring Festival Parade over the weekend; that was a fun time, despite Band Management making us get out of bed way earlier than we had to. Our comrades from the North, Davis Band, showed up. In the staging area we were sandwiched between Davis and the local branch of the Galactic Empire, so we played "Throne Room Fanfare" from the very end of Episode 4 (A New Hope). The stormtroopers were very impressed. Then Davis played a much lamer song from Episode 1. Good try Davis, better luck next time. We look forward to rocking out on your turf in April.

By now you might be wondering what the title of this post refers to. It refers to this coming weekend, the biggest weekend in the Band calendar. Yes, it's DOLLIE WEEKEND 2008. It's time to pick our new Dollies, who will begin their term in May. The weekend's festivities are like a school carnival, Festivus, and a monster truck rally tossed together in a giant burrito of mayhem and liver-punishment. It is a time for each sexion to prove its worth. There can be no backing down when, for instance, the Toobz challenge your sexion to drink a bacon milkshake. Was the bacon cooked before it went in the blender? You can only hope that it was. Perhaps this is the year that someone will prove that it is possible to drink an entire box of Capri Suns and keep it down. On top of all this metaphorical bear-wrestling, there is the strenuous process of deciding of who will be the next Fab Five. The new Dollies must be brainy Stanford women with dance skills to pay the bills, where the bills are the national debt. They must be capable of making the U$C Song Girls look bad in every way. Most importantly and difficultly, they have to be able to roll with The One, The Only, The Truly Incomparable Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band. Godspeed to all the ProDos* who advance to the Battle Royale, Dollie Day 2008.

Brace Yourself!
The LSJUMB

*Prospective Dollies, duh.

Bandquet 08, the end.

We have seen horrors.

Congratulations to the Bonz, most improved sexion 2007, and the Tenrs, best sexion 2007.

Now we begin the process of forgetting how much of a circus Bandquet '08 was. Bandquet '09, here we come.

Asshole off the mic

Slideshow over. 60 yays, 2997 boos.

Slater is on the mic, for perhaps the last time. He is presentting our yearly awards. Oh, the humanity! The rabbi is becoming ever more belligerent!!! He and the milk have just come to blows, only to be separated by Mario and Luigi!!! Exclamation points!!!!!!!

Cooper accepts awards on behalf of both himself and former PR Sammy Franco.  God bless Sammy Franco, wherever he is.  Probably at home in Terra, watching cartoons.

Plotz and Patchez are loudly applauded for their long, hard...turgid...efforts to put a cock and balls on the football field at every opprotunity.

Management is getting pelted with missiles right now. We've always wanted to see the entire Band rumble against the U$C band or someone, but it looks like we might have to live out a civil war first. Coop and I are retreating to an undisclosed location.

The slideshow has begun. A montage of everything the Band has done for the past year is flashing past our eyes. Swiss Army knife Buster is met with approval, as are the Dollies...approximately 350 times. Dan Meyer practicing the Banner solo and getting PB&Js made on his foot at high resolution is regretted mightily by everyone. Stanford Marching Cardinal pictures are lustily acclaimed, never more so than when the Tree knocks us all over and we experience the Second Coming of the real LSJUMB.

There are far too few pictures of the Trumpz in this album. Sadly, Buster's conflagration in the Quad was not captured.

This is tiring. I'll give you a more general play-by-play:

Yay. Yaaaay! Yaaaaay! Booooo! Yaaaay! Boooooooooo! Boooooooo! Booooooo! Boooooooo! Yaaaaay! Peeeeennnnissss!

More coming up, soon.

From Coop: A quick summary of the slidwhow so far:

Dollies: popular!

the Altoz: not so popular!

Banduet 08 more live coverage!

Will someone please tell that rabbi to quit yelling at everyone?!  Uh oh, Rabbi just shoved the giant milk carton!  Giant milk must have tried to mix with Giant MEat!  

Uh oh, Band is boooing!  The people "in charge" must want us to do something!  Stay tuned!