Big Game Week 07: A Look Back Part II

Now that Band is for the most part home for winter break, busy forgetting how to play their instruments, it's time for more BGW 07 reminiscing.

Please observe the pictures below:

In these pictures we have the LSJUMB Killa Trumpz doing one really cool thing, but then nullifying it by doing a totally wack thing. The cool thing is that they one-upped us all yet again by building the best Big Game project for a third straight year. Two years ago it was the well-crafted and spectacularly inconvenient "Brickhenge." Last year it was the well-crafted and spectacularly helpful "Mike Priest Memorial Roundabout" (don't worry - Mike's not dead, he's just dead to us) which inspired the university to build a real roundabout. And this year the Trumpz gave us the "Trumpz Hot Dog Stand." It is a thing of beauty and nourishment, and everyone in Band who rocked out during BGW 07 owes the Trumpz a debt of gratitude for all the dogs, burgers, and Polishes.
HOWEVER, as you can see in the picture, the Trumpz chose ninjas as their Big Game sexion costume. That would have been totally fine, but as you can see they seem to have missed the memo which said "make your costume mostly red." Given that the Trumpz are mostly engineering students, it puzzles us how they messed up this simple directive. Maybe they knew they controlled the local hot dog scene, and felt they were above our petty rules. I don't know. In any case, while every other sexion rocked cool red costumes on the field, the Trumpz looked like living photographic negatives of what they were supposed to look like. Good job, guys. We'd be more angry if those bratwursts hadn't been so delicious.

And now a few word about the new staph.

Manager: Liz Schackmann
Remember, Liz: power corrupts, so I guess it's a good thing that as Band Manager you won't have any.
Liz is rather unique in that she was also once a Dollie. So when we throw nickels at her and command her to dance, as we do with all new managers, she might actually do it.

Ass(istant) Man(ager): Nate "Chopz" Foorman
As a former manager once said, "Being Band Management is like making the worst decision of your life, and then making it again a year later." So Chopzie has made one horrific wrong turn on the road of life, and has another one to look forward to in twelve months. Congrats, Chopz!

Drum Major: "Hat"Dave Borowitz
HatDave challenges the old "Monkey with a Stick" stereotype; as he will proudly tell you, he aims to be the "Monkey with a Stick - with a hat!" Also, Dave is good with computers.

Chris Holt Memorial Public Relations: Scott "Sweet Cheeks" Bland
Scott is dear to my heart, as he is my successor in the CHMPR position. What's that, ladies? Does the nickname lie? No, it doesn't lie - those cheeks sure are sweet. How sweet? Sweet like a lemon is sour, sweet like chocolate-dipped honeycomb laced with LSD. Soo sweet. Hi Scott!

Alumni Relations: C.J. Jameson
C.J.'s job is to shake down the Old Fartz who once rocked out but now own wineries or drink 50-year-old single malts out of jeweled decanters. If C.J. got a dollar for every time he's going to hear the phrase "When I Was in Band...," he could play at John Arrillaga's table on poker night.

Treasure: Jill Wurzburg
What? Her again? Jill was treasurer last year, and now she is treasurer again. Why Jill, why? She did a great job handling our funds so we didn't have to hock our instruments, but I think she keeps coming back because she owes some sort of life debt to Liz Schackmann. Jill and I are working on a plan to raise twenty grand so Scott Bland will play "Frankenstein" instead of the Star Spangled Banner solo at a football game next year.

Social: Jacob "Diego" Etc., and Megan Moroney
These guys organize ice cream mixers, barn dances, potato sack races, and all the other wholesome, innocent things Band does for fun. Seriously, it's like having Ned Flanders be our Minister of Fun, except there's two of him.

Graphix: Jeff "Eh Victor" Rowell and Byron Vosburg
Possibly the biggest chumps on the list. These guys are the only staph members whom Band is expressly required to ridicule and antagonize. In a way, being Graphix is kind of kinky, which is why I think these guys like it.

Librarian: Daniel "Babz" Babinksi
Babz went to Russia, and a great cry went up across Stanford. "I miss Babz," the upperclassmen cried. "Who 'dis Babz?" cried the freshmen. "Quiet, younglings," the upperclassmen said, "and we will tell you a story of a man who made tyrants weep with his alto sax, a man who was such a badass he rode the trans-Siberian Express while we fooled around on a football field." When Babz comes back to campus, the feast in his honor is expected to last for ten days and nights.

Propz: Lauran "Razzberry" Palumbi, Blake English, and Alan "Rager" Rager
Being propz is one case in which bravery is indistinguishable from insanity. Chances are good at least one of these three is completely insane. Propz hands out Band jackets. Band loses and "loses" jackets several times per week. Propz gets instruments fixed. Band breaks the instruments again, pretending to be The Who. Propz tidies up the Shak. Band drinks one hundred Capri Suns and can't be bothered to find a trash can. Come to think of it, at this time next year, all three may be insane.

Recruiter: Martha "Ariel" Smith, Roxanne Paul
It's the job of these two to make a pitch for Band to ProFros, new frosh, and idle upperclassmen that makes Google fringe benefits look like a sudden brick to the kneecap. Their bag of tricks contains promises of road trip per diems, free Capri Sun and donuts, and the chance to make some very embarrassing decisions at parties. People who turn down this offer usually go hang out with J. Alfred Prufrock instead.

Webmaster: Ruddick "Vinny" Lawrence
Vinny, like Jill, is a returning staph member. But unlike with Jill, it is clear why Vinny wants to be on staph again: to create strife from the inside. Vinny has and does champion such initiatives as "Vote No on Everything," and "Booby-Trap the Shak Computer." Vinny has also been to Italy, and when he needs help procrastinating, he comes to this blogger's dorm room, where he often leaves behind garbage as a "joke."

Blah. I can't believe I wasted so much time writing about those jerks.

Until next time, Friends. Also, were you aware we beat U$C in football? Just checkin'.