Hey, guess what, it's Springtime

Yea, yea, it's been a while. Guess what? I have no sympathy. Here's what you've missed.

First of all, the band met Joe Biden. He promised all of us tax cuts, big ones.

We've got a new tree. We've got five new Dollies, they're pretty good, but I won't be impressed until Thunderstruck is choreographed.

At Dollie #1, with a heart of gold and an enthusiasm unknown to mankind, Alina "#1" Pimentel

At Dollie #2, CC and one more C, CC "#2" Chiu

At Dollie #3, with fiery feet of fire, Sarah "#3" Chang

At Dollie #4, Melissa "I'll be back '#4'" Schwartz

At Dollie #5, Alex, the tallest one, "#5" Nana-Sinkam

At Stanford Tree, you've seen him, you've certainly heard him, you may or may not have been high-fived by him...the one, the only, Ben "Bollox" Cortes

Our men's volleyball team decided that first in the MPSF wasn't good enough and that after going 3-25 in '07 the only appropriate finale was to be national champions. A noble cause indeed.

In other news we remain firmly planted as the second most controversial organization in the US.


The Final Two

San Antonio, day 5, Oklahoma's grave is still warm and our sights have already turned to our final foe. In our time we've played for the little children, held open practice with the team, battled for domination in the Alamodome, floated down-river through the center of San Antonio, and watched Nneka obliterate the hopes and dreams of the Soon'ers.

We've set up shop right on the River Walk, only a few blocks from the Alamo. The weather is hot and humid, which means that the band has taken to wearing even less clothing than normal, unfortunately we have yet to find any laundry services in the area.

In one more day we face the Husky Women.

We were on a boat.


Trees & Matzo

Having done a recent recap of 2009 we here at the LSJUMBlog think it only natural that we get everyone up to speed on our most recent activities.

Last week we were kindly invited to a tree re-planting ceremony on California Ave as crews labored under the stifling sun to give a silver lindens, southern live oaks, Freeman maples, Shumard oaks, valley oaks, and Chinese pistache trees. Turns out the sudden removal of the California Ave trees late last year caused quite an uproar among the citizens of Palo Alto. Above you can see the Toobz dancing with glee.

In other news the LSJUMB also made an appearance at a rally for campus unity at the Hillel House. They un-stereotypically offered us bagels, cream cheese, and lox. It is the recommendation of this particular blogger that you wikipedia "lox" before asking anyone what lox is, especially if that person is Jewish.

Dance Marathon, in a good faith gesture making up for last years miscommunication, brought us in early with plenty of time to play. The exhausted horde still mustered the strength to yell and rock out despite having danced for 23.75 hours straight. They also offered us copious amounts of food.

The day was made more complete by Tara and the basketball team going up 55-21 against USC. Unfortunately it was not to last and after a few glorious minutes Jayne went back to demolishing the Trojans.

Today (Sunday) marks one week until Dollie Day. Old fartz and young fartz alike should make haste back to campus where we wait with bated breath for this year's harbingers of joy and joyness.


Back and Bigger Than Ever

Back from a long hiatus, the LSJUMBlog is back in action.

A lot has happened these past months. We watched happily as thousands of USC fans poured out of The Coliseum while over eight minutes remained on the clock. Also the USC band is now proudly going on sixteen years without having learned any new songs.

The Notre Dame AD decided that if you have Jimmy Clausen and Golden Tate and you still can’t beat UCONN then perhaps you don’t have the schematic advantage that you thought you had. So five seasons of broken promises was enough and Charlie took his bowl o’ Lucky Charms and moved to Kansas City.

The Band went to El Paso and watched Arizona get completely demolished by Nebraska over our delicious enchilada dinner. At the Sun Bowl Battle of the Bands they tried to get us to stop playing but we were having none of that. We rocked so hard that the band following us stormed the stage to play ARN along with us. We won the Battle of the Bands by unanimous vote. Also, hello national television. Apparently the OU Band loves them some “Crazy Train”. They loved it so much they played it six times in one day (for the record that beats out UCLA’s five “Move Along” record set in 2008 at the Pac-10 Championship).

We celebrated New Years in the Stanford football parking lot. There were some laughs, some tears, and lots of enthusiasm. It was a time of reflection for the Band as we recalled 2009, a year filled with St. Louis and the Final Four, Martha’s Vineyard, an all expense paid Giants game, the end of Pete Carroll and Charlie Weis, and many other great memories.

2010 started with the administration making the enormous mistake of putting us up in the SLAC guest house, which for the record has terrible cell reception and all the coffee and bagels you could ever want, also the beloved birthplace of the microwave fo’tie.

In other news The Band has taken up men’s volleyball as a noble cause. Turns out it’s just as much volleyball as women’s but with half the red coats, and that makes it good.

Stay tuned for further developments. And for the first time ever, check online February 14th for a live-blogging of Dollie Day, minute-by-minute updates with hard-hitting analysis and even harder-hitting limericks.



Da scripts

Le Pregame

Intro: And now...back from self-imposed quarantine in Safeway's walk-in beer cooler, it's The One, The Only, The Truly Incomparable Leland Stanford Junior...University Marching Band!

1. Pigs are deadly!

Well ladies and gentleman we thought we made it through the summer successfully, but swine flu is making a strong comeback. Throughout history, the pig has been an extremely controversial animal. Some, like Jews and Muslims, choose to eliminate it from their diets entirely. Others, like Texans, will eat nothing else. But with the outbreak of this bubonic bacon, America is taking a different attitude toward the pig, one of sheer terror! Not since Elvis's last trip to the cardiologist has lil' Babe struck such fear in anyone's heart.

The Band plays "Spoonman" by Soundgarden

The Band forms a pig that promptly dies

2. Stanford bubble

Here on campus, Stanford administration has been hard at work protecting us from this hellish ham hex, going so far as to surround campus with a giant, impenetrable bubble. Hopefully, we will soon be able to apply this technology to other aspects of campus life. Yes, the isolation of the Stanford bubble should keep us safe all flu-season long. Remember, nobody in, nobody out.

The Band plays "Welcome to Paradise"

The Band forms a circle with Hoover Tower in the middle, accompanied by a prop pig

Jumbotron: Have camera follow pig on the field as it tries to break in to the "bubble" of students.

3. Full Moon on the Flu

Freshman on the lookout for love will have to look a little harder this year. As you may have heard, porcine panic has stricken down Full Moon on the Quad. Rumor has it roaming bands of loveless Stanford seniors will take to the streets in search of unsanctioned make-outs. But beware, another lonely creature stalks the night in search of romance, the pigs! So be careful who you smooch Stanford, because those pigs are have something much worse than bad breath!

The Band plays "Question!" by System of a Down

The Band forms a moon with lips

4. Student Health

So what can you, the student, do to protect yourself against this swine scourge, the answer lies at the bottom of a bottle. After all, alcohol kill germs, that's why it burns going down, right? At least that's what my frat bro said, and he's humbio. Pure science! So remember to drink up when you're on the Row tonight. That next jello shot or kegstand could very well save your life.

The Band plays "Life in the Fast Lane"

The Band forms PORK which changes to PARTY

Jumbotron: "PSA: Partying can save your life"

5. Squirrel flu

But now that birds and pigs are contagious, everyone is waiting to see which cuddly animal will be the next to strike fear into the heart of the World Health Organization. Our bet is on squirrels. With their pointy little teeth and their bushy tails made for carrying bacteria, squirrels are a prime candidate. It's only a matter of time before CNN debuts an animated graphic titled "Squirrel Flu: A Nation's Nuts Under Attack."

The Band plays "No One Knows" by Queens of the Stone Age

The Band forms an acorn

Jumbotron: "Squirrel Flu: A Nation's Nuts Under Attack." w/ picture of squirrel

6. When pigs fly

Hubris is the downfall of all great civilizations, and swine flu will prove the United States is no exception. They say American power is eternal, that we'll surrender when the world stops spinning, when hell freezes over, when pigs fly. Well, with flotillas of flying swine assaulting our nation with airborne flu, we may have finally met our match. Goodnight sweet prince.

The Band plays "Steam" by Peter Gabriel

The Band forms FLU which changes to FLEW accompanied by a prop flying pig

Jumboron: Camera on pig as it deploys wings.

7. Animal Farm

But who's to blame for this porker pandemic? Why, it's Dick Cheney! Having stumbled upon a copy of Animal Farm 5 months ago, he became paranoid that a pig-led socialist revolution might force universal health care on the masses. Using his remaining power in the shadow government, he developed a foolproof plan to keep those petulant porkers in their place. Clever work Dick, but your cover's been blown now!

The Band plays "Hey Big Brother" by Rare Earth

Band forms ORWELL which changes to OH WELL

Join us at halftime when we give unsolicited advice about tax evasion and establishing brothels. Until then, you've been watching The One, The Only, The Truly Incomparable Leland Stanford Junior...University Marching Band!

Der Halftime

And now, back from listening to our advisors tell us for the last time that freeze tag is not a major, it's The One, The Only, The Turly Incomparable, Leland Stanford Junior...University Marching Band!

1. Troy->Ploy

Throughout history the Trojans have proven a formidable foe. Their corpulent egos bloated with self-importance present a seemingly insurmountable obstacle. Nonetheless, a handful of mighty heroes have proven throughout the ages, that Trojans are by no means invincible. With a steady hand, a crafty battle plan, and a healthy dose of lowered expectations even the most unlikely of men can become mighty conquerors.

The Band plays "Stuff Like That" by Quincy Jones
The Band forms TROY which changes to PLOY

2. Trojan Horse

After ten long years laying siege to the unyielding walls of Troy, the brave Greeks were growing weary. When at last all seemed lost, clever Odysseus dreamt up a most improbable plan. Side by side the Greeks worked in secret to construct a great wooden horse, an ostensible sign of their surrender. Knowing the Trojans would blinded by their pride, Odysseus hid his mightiest warriors within the great wooden beast, the seeds of Troys destruction. That night, with the horse within its walls, Troy was put to the sword. The Trojans, it seemed, were as foolish as they were formidable.

The Band plays "Battle Without Honor or Humanity" by Hotei Tomoyaso
The Band forms a horse head
Jumbotron: "Trojan Horse"

3. Trojan Condoms

Though long since burnt to the ground, the walls of Troy still serve as a symbol of all things impregnable. On tv and radio, the Trojan man stands firm against the advances of youthful indiscretion. And like the walls of Troy, they may hold up ninety-nine percent of the time, but that one percent failure quickly becomes the only memorable event. As it is with walls, as it is with condoms, so it is with Pete "the Trojan Man" Caroll.

The Band plays "Take Me Out" by Franz Ferdinand
The Band forms PETE which changes to PWND

4. Stanford beats U$C

2007 seemed a doubtful year for the Cardinal to surmount undefeated U$C- coach Jim Harbaugh's first year rebuilding Stanford into the formidable force it had once been. And so, on a sunny October's day, Stanford's players strode boldly into the colliseum to the hateful sneers voices of eighty-five thousand Trojan fans, chins held high to stand their ground against the unbeatable juggernaut. With the last seconds ticking off the clock, Tavita Prichard launched a fateful pass over the heads of the unrelenting foe. With a mighty leap Mark Bradford pulled the ball from it's spiralling arc and as his foot came down within the endzone, the jeering fell to silence punctuated only by the sweet refrain All Right Now.

The Band plays "Our House" by Madness
The Band forms "24" which changes to "23"

5. UW beats U$C
Washington was coming off a downtrodden year. Whereas coach Tyrone Willingham had managed to lead Stanford to the Rose Bowl, he only led the Huskies to twelve consecutive losses. But redemption is always a Saturday away, especially when U$C comes to town. Taking down the Trojans is always good for what ails you. Oregon State can also attest to that. Just remember Huskies, we were ruining U$C's season before it was trendy.

The Band plays "Well All Right" by Santana
The Band forms BCS! which changes to BUST
Jumbotron: "We can all agree- USC Sucks"

Join us next week when we point out the secret socialist imagery hidden in the reliefs of Pauley Pavilion. Until then, you've been watching The One, The Only, The Turly Incomparable, Leland Stanford Junior...University Marching Band!

Stay tuned for some serious truth-telling.


Nice legs.

It's terrifying how a wig, a dress, a razor, and some makeup can transform an ordinary man into Marilyn Monroe.

But I digress.

This last Saturday saw Stanford football dominate Washington, 34-14. LSJUMB was there in traditional style, this week sporting an armada of bright-eyed new freshmen. It was the second week for our new-and-improved-and-also-longer-and-more-tiring-but-still-pretty-sweet cadence, wherein we send off the football team, circle the stadium pre-game and play for some tailgaters, and then kill time drinking gatorade, eating powerbars, and rolling down grassy hills.

Due to some glitches in the system, we ended up with an extended nine minutes for our pregame show. Swine flu jokes? Check. Giant prop pig? Check. Wings for giant pig? Check. Giant prop Squirrel? Uh... check. Hot squirrel on pig action? Well... Shotgun will post the script details for you eventually. Halftime featured some jokes on the always great topic of how lame U$C is, something that Stanford and Washington fans alike could certainly enjoy.

As always, the game ended but the band played on.

A little clarity

As you may have gathered from that link. There was quite an incident at Kal on Friday night. HOW-EVA, the article left out a few key details, chiefly: WE GOT THE LEAVES BACK. Kal fans went 0 for 3 in leaf theft thanks to Seth, the Band's advisor, CJ, our fearless Propz, and Bollox, our resident MMA fighter/snare sexion leader. Also, we liberated one the so-called lumberjacks' axe. We're still not entirely sure as to why they were there. They must have thought that they were at Humboldt State or something. Quite frankly, that was the angriest I've seen Kal fans in awhile, and they won too. Though they must have been alot angrier the next day.